Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
