every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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