I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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