Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
