just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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