he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
