i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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