i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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