My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
