Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
