New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
