If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
