I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
