i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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