It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize