There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
