My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
