end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
