Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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