Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
