I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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