Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
