just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
