We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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