i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
