K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
