Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize