THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She needs sedatives and a leash
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
