At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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