I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
