So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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