Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
