Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
