so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
