Got a toothbrush?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
