There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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