She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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