I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
