Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
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