Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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