Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i came on her dog
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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