Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
