i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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