STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
