i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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