I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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