Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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