Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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