Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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