he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
