so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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