Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
