No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
