It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
