so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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