If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
