Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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