your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
