I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize