Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
