Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize