I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
