hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
