Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
