hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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