Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
