my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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