he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
