I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
