We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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