remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
