Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
